INBOX // ROUTE 666

[purplexing]

You're conversing with Donatello-

Juuuust not this exact second. Please rank your call by number of priority and I'll get back to you accordingly.

1 - A technical emergency

2 - General inquiry

3 - Miscellaneous

Comments

[purplexing]

[Donnie lifts his head at that, pausing to glance at the time before he reaches for his phone first. He'd really gotten caught up in the story!]

Oh yeah, no problem.

[He gets up, holding back a groan as he unfolds from the chair. Then he goes to turn off the recording equipment.]

All right, Ed, we're off the air.

[propatriamori]

[Edward waits in silence until Donnie gets everything situated, then collapses back into the chair with a sigh.]

That's fun, but more tiring than I thought it would be.

Are you enjoying the story?

[purplexing]

[The turtle walks towards the back to grab one a couple of water bottles for them.]

Oh, I'll bet. You've been going quite a while after all. I am pretty sure audio books aren't recorded in one sitting because there's one for the Bible and that one's at least three days worth of listening alone.

[He taps Edward's arm with the bottle to hand over before he drops back into his own seat with his own.]

I am, actually! Talking animals are entertaining, who knew!

[propatriamori]

Thank you.

[Edward takes the offered water bottle and drains half of it in one long pull.]

I have to admit, Charlotte writing messages in her web took me by surprise. I had no idea that was a theme with intelligent spiders.

[purplexing]

Heh! Well, Charlotte does seem the unusually erudite spider. Much nicer than the spider I know back home, too. But don't worry Ed, you're still top spider on my list. Albeit it is a very short list, but you know.

[propatriamori]

Let me imagine...

[Edward holds up one hand and moves it down as he lists names.]

Myself, Charlotte, your father's ex-girlfriend. Would that be your spider ranking?

[purplexing]

[Donnie almost chokes on his water, coughing a laugh.]

Got it in one, but come on, it wasn't that difficult to figure out.

[He forgets how much he's mentioned of Big Mama to Edward, but he suspects Leo would have filled in the details, given the chance.]

[propatriamori]

[Edward laughs too, pleased by Donnie's reaction.]

I honestly don't know anything about her, beyond her being your father's ex-girlfriend. Leo was very clear on the ex part.

[purplexing]

[Donnie chuckles.]

Well...it wasn't exactly the greatest relationship. I mean, even before we found out that they had History, my brothers and I came across her in her big fancy yōkai hotel that she runs. And found out her side hustle running the Battle Nexus- basically a coliseum style fight arena where they watch the fiercest yōkai fight.

She is very much a business woman first and foremost, but she's not one you want to cross.

[propatriamori]

[How much of this did Edward already know? Let's just say Leo already explained the yokai thing to him, but not the Battle Nexus.]

Was the Battle Nexus... voluntary?

[He is picturing the Roman Colosseum.]

[purplexing]

Sometimes...? But not always, and I'm sure, given her way of making deals, she's also cornered people into taking part. Dad she just straight-up kidnapped, I think.

[propatriamori]

[Edward thinks on that for a moment, then reaches out and pats the back of Donnie's hand.]

I can understand why she's a former girlfriend, then.

[purplexing]

[Donnie laughs.]

Yeah, well... I think even despite the toxic relationship, they still had some feelings for each other. And Big Mama did help us when we needed to find and rescue Papá.

[propatriamori]

[Edward lifts an eyebrow at the pronunciation of Papa, but he doesn't say anything about it.]

May I ask, was she a spider like myself, who was able to switch back and forth between human and hybrid, or something different?

[He hasn't met any other spiders! Except Root, but she hasn't turned out to have a spider body. He'd like to know!]

[purplexing]

[Yes, he has strange quirks.]

When we first met her, we thought she was human. But that was when we found out there was an entire hotel of what we thought were mutants at the time, operating in New York like a normal business. They hid their actual appearance with these devices called cloaking brooches.

Big Mama is very much a massive spider. The 'Big' part of her name is not merely a title of her boss status.

[propatriamori]

Ah, so she is like me, in the regard of having two forms.

[Not so much the Big part. Edward is very regular sized man spider.]

How big is she?

[Feel free to insert a 'yo mama' joke here. Introduce the man to some late twentieth century teen humour.]

[purplexing]

Kind of?

Well, she's pretty petite in her human guise. A little shorter than Mikey now?

[Only because Mikey's grown an inch or two at least since.]

But in her yōkai form she's...maybe a little taller than six feet and just as wide because her lower body and arms are huge.

[He would if he felt he could pull it off without sounding terribly lame, but he also anticipates that he'd have to explain the whole thing.]

[propatriamori]

Heavens!

[That's one big spider.]

Perhaps she's based on a tarantula. I do have to say, I wouldn't be opposed to having stronger, larger legs in the spider body. The blasted things are far too fragile.

[As Donnie well knows!]

[purplexing]

Haha, yeah.

Well...maybe loosely? But there is nothing dainty about her. To be fair, I don't think she exudes anything normal-spider-wise. She's definitely proven very durable.

[propatriamori]

Does she ever join the Battle Nexus herself?

[purplexing]

She does not, so far as I know, but she has joined a demolition derby Mikey, dad and I were once in.

Doesn't mean she can't fight though. But why her hands dirty if she can have other people do it for her?

[propatriamori]

[Edward sighs.]

Sounds like some generals I've been commanded by.

[You have to know by now what's coming next, Donnie...]

What's a demolition derby?

[purplexing]

[Oh, he anticipated this. Donnie chuckles dryly, wondering what Edward's opinion of American car sports might be.]

Well, basically it's a bunch of people driving their tricked out vehicles in a ring with the purpose of trying to take each other out.

...for the record, it was not my idea to take part in this.

[propatriamori]

[Edward about to reveal why he's friends with Leo and Raph in three, two, one...]

That sounds awesome.

Do you think we could get some of the broken cars here working and have one?

[purplexing]

[This man never ceases to surprise him.

Donnie lets out a laugh.]

Possibly? I mean, it's not a quiet sport by any means so I don't know how people would feel about potentially drawing unwanted attention.